I'm not allowed to miss you
I can't be in mourning
I'm not allowed to cry
or show my heart is broken

I have to smile through the pain
Say that I'm doing fine
When inside I'm breaking
Daily a river that won't subside

You were here for such a short time
But you left a forever legacy
I'm not allowed to miss you
Though you did say goodbye

Gawd....I should not be allowed to be sick or have so much time....I was told by the doctor that we have all the symptoms of H1N1 and he was treating us accordingly, though he didn't have tests done...I think it's because of the 20 other people that were there for the same reason and he had to see each of them too....went to the emergency room in Grande Prairie on sunday as I was getting dizzier and having problems breathing, up until that time I was sure it was just a seasonal flu mixed with my arthritis due to weather changes...after seeing the triage nurse (who was doing an AMAZING impression of Nurse Cratchett) who said to my disclosure of having been in contact with confirmed cases of H1N1 "Who hasn't by now" I was sent to waiting room two with the other unclean...the Aussie was right behind me as he's sick too...we only had to wait an hour and a half before all the Unclean were called into another area away from the ER room where we were herded into cubicles, the Aussie and I got to share one as we were together...the very overworked doctor then came in and examined us giving us that bit of news....he also gave us a prescription for tamflu I think is the name, notes for work and stern warnings to get REST and LIQUIDS...being diabetic especially to follow instructions...we are NOT to go to work for one week...like wow....so I'm home sick...the stomach aspect of it is horrible...though could work for my diet plan/want to lose weight plan...the dizziness, exhaustion and pain (in all joints and legs) is hard to deal with though, the dizziness and loss of balance is also disconcerting...the worst is watching my beautiful grandson be sick with this too...but...upside to all of this...is spending four hours today in bed with my grandson, just cuddling, talking to, listening to, applauding him....and thinking of bad poetry to share with y'all.....I'm slowly making my way around to comment on y'all.... Drink orange juice, take your vitamins and rest...'Til The Next

Yup....On Monday I will be 44...that's 44!!!  Where the hell did all the time go????  I'm a grandmother for crying in the sink!!  I can't believe it....Wasn't it just yesterday I was 17 having my first baby?? Then other days I feel like I've lived at least two lifetimes....My life is going at warp speed too....so much taking place and at the end of November it's going to change again...The elections are November 28th...I will find out then if I'm a Councillor for the Nation or going back to teaching....either way, life is going to change for me...then...other decisions to be made....life changes....at my age I like to be in charge of the changes but other events always have a way of interfering....I'm in love...I cannot believe the scope of my love...it's consuming, all I think about is him...I want to be with him all the time...I resent work for taking me away from him...when he's sleeping I just want to wake him up to cuddle ...and he's almost 9 months old...only 9 months and I cannot imagine my life without him....I'm also almost done with my Master's program...there is no way I have time for thesis route so I'm taking the 6 hour comprehensive exam route....just as scary but more structured which is what I need..more to come...when I have more time...I will be around to comment later!!  'Til The Next

so it takes a kidney & bladder infection to knock me off my feet and some time to blog here....Life went into hyperdrive this last year, especially the last six months....first off my Grandson Freddy is soooo incredible...will post pics tomorrow....he's almost 7 months old and just AMAZES me with his capabilities and growth...I never thought I could love anyone as much as my children but with Freddy I do, if not more so, don't tell my kids ...He is the centre of my universe and where my heart is solidly kept....secondly, I'm almost done my Masters! One more course on weekends from September to December, then the 6 hour comprehensive exam and I"M DONE!!! I chose the exam route rather than a thesis or project due to my workload and family commitments...also I just don't have the discipline to budget time to get it all done....another goal met....well almost met!...Thirdly...work...besides doing my Director of Education job I've also taken over Co-Directing Children's services...which has NOT been fun, but the daycare, headstart and kindergarten are all up and running, now to finish two reports and I can hand that over to the children services coordinator and just oversee it....and now I've started to  be involved in my Native Spirituality, learning the ways and trying to learn my language...I've also decided to become involved in politics at the Band level, I'm running for Band Councillor for our Nation, running with my uncle and cousins and another cousin as Chief, please pray we get in and start doing things to benefit ALL of the Nation's people, on and off the Reserve...with all this happening of course I went and got sick....but hopefully I won't be down too long....will be by to read y'all later....'Til The Next